They Call Me “Cool Ethan”

No. they. don’t.

We’d Never Date Dudes Who Give Themselves Nicknames

No. No. I’m not calling you that. No. That’s dumb. Are you for real about this? This should go without saying. The whole idea of a nickname is that it says a lot about you—because everyone else came up with it. Just because your name sucks, doesn’t mean you get to pick a new one. You have no authority over this. None. If people could just decide what everyone should call them, I would’ve put an end to the unfortunate nickname “Ho-bags” years ago. THANKS FRIENDS!

I had a nickname for you! You wanna know what it was? I'm not going to tell you. All right, it was "Laser."

I had a nickname for you! You wanna know what it was? I'm not going to tell you. All right, it was "Laser."

My name is Kelly, and lots of people call me Kell, with two Ls. Is that the way I would spell it? Of course not. But it’s not under my jurisdiction to make such a change. Sure, I could have a sit down with everyone and lay down the law “Guys, listen, its Kel with one L. I get it that you guys are into the extra L, but I really feel like I don’t really need it. Not trying to be a dick, but get it right.” And I’m sure people would actually stop calling me Kell. They would stop calling me, period. Because that’s just as bad as when I introduce you to people as “Christopher,” and you tell them “It’s Toph.” No. It really isn’t.

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