This past weekend Erin was working out of town and left me to my own devices.
Saturday night I ended up at a bachelorette party where the person I knew the least, was the bride. Regardless, I had a great time and when I left I managed to drag my rum laden self eight blocks away just in time for a round of kamikazes! After about an hour of dancing, we were all tuckered out and some of us needed a cigarette break, so we went outside. While outside I spotted a Kevin Federline look-alike wearing the most obnoxious necklace I had ever seen. Two Corona bottles criss-crossed over a blinking light, dangling off of hammered out Mardi-Gras beads that read “Corona.” Instinctively I shout to him “WHERE DID YOU JUST COME FROM? A RAVE!?” All of a sudden I’m engaging this Kenso in jorts (read: jean shorts). What am I doing?! I don’t want to talk to this person. I realized I was already in too deep to quit. I was going to get that necklace. I don’t even want the necklace, I just like winning, and I needed something to do while everyone else was smoking. He told me he had won it, on the radio, which is no big deal because he wins “a lot of radio contests.” I hope that’s under ‘Special Skills’ on his resume and that it’s written “$pecial $kills” because three dollar signs is way too many. His name is Jerry, and I don’t care. I tell him, I’ll win it off him. I inform him that he can ask me any 5 trivia questions and if I get them right I get the necklace. Lucky for me he never recognized the fact that I have no right to be so demanding about his glorious radio contest winnings. His genius questions are as follows:
1. What’s the capital of Vermont? A. Montpelier which is correct, but I’m fairly confident I could’ve said Fleurgenville and he would’ve still given me the point. +1
2. What’s the capital of Pennsylvania? Really? The state we’re in what kind of idiot wouldn’t know the capital of the state they live in! A. Harrisburg (to this he looked at his friend and said
“Is that right? I really don’t know”…his equally dumb friend shrugged.) +1
3. He couldn’t think of a third so Torey (Erin and My roommate) stepped in and asked me Who was the fourth President of the United States? A. James Madison. +1 Go.
4. When’s your birthday? THAT’S RIGHT. He asked me, when my own birthday is. This question is neither trivial (it’s scheduled to be printed on all calendars in 2012), or in his bank of knowledge. At first I thought, maybe he’s trying to hit on me. But if that were the case, wouldn’t “What’s your phone number?” be far more successful? Also, that is something that can be proven. But, I also think at this point he had mentioned that he was a “graduate of the 7th grade.” Aka: dumb. I think I gave him my actual birthday, too. which is not something I would repeat if I had a do over of that moment. Not because I worry what he would do with priceless information like that, but because I’m a generally very honest person, so lying to strangers about facts they cannot disprove makes me feel sneaky and dangerous; like I’m taking a real walk on the wild side. +1
5. What’s the last el stop? A. Frankford Terminal. +1
I WON! Now, I’m going to call Michael Phelps and trade victory stories.